pregnancy+exercise goals.

So, I'm not a marathon runner, or even much of a runner or "work-out crazy" for several years now. But I have noticed that frequent (almost daily) exercise greatly affects my emotions.  That being said, the tricky thing with pregnancy (at least for me) is that the nausea that comes with the first 16-18 weeks renders me almost completely incapable of doing any form of exercise since my usually bad motion sickness becomes insane motion sickness during that time.  Anyway, by the end of that time I feel pretty bad about how I'm doing physically.  (probably doesn't help to have that be the "I just look chubby" phase of pregnancy either)
My first pregnancy was almost completely wrapped into the winter months which made it hard/impossible to get outside to exercise.  With the wonderful winter we've had this year I've found the same thing to be true (so far). To combat "house arrest" my first pregnancy I did a whole lot of stairs and walking around and around my house for my daily exercise.  Not super exciting no, but I could do it whenever, didn't have to get myself "presentable" first and didn't have to battle the cold and slush.  I found out at the beginning of this pregnancy that the frequent tightness I felt in my abdominal region during said exercise was actually contractions.  So, I wasn't super keen on doing the same thing for the daily "work-out" this pregnancy.
*Lee came almost exactly 4 weeks early, which actually was a miracle with our timing last spring but brought about it's own trials and is something I'd rather not repeat if possible with this baby.

So this pregnancy I bike.  Yep. Inside, every day (almost.)
Kevin is really into cycling and when we saw a fantastic deal on a women's cycling bike over a year ago, we jumped on it. With pregnancy and a newborn I hadn't been able to do much street riding for a while so I was curious to see how the indoor riding would go.
We purchased a closeout bike trainer and I got started the next day (or so).
*For those who (like me) don't know what a trainer is: it's a frame that holds the back wheel of a bike in place and essentially makes it a stationary bike.

 

progression through the months. aka overtaking of the stomach.

*First hurdle: getting into the regular exercise "groove" again.
It was really hard for me to work a work-out into my daily schedule with Lee.  I already had such a long list of things to do when he was sleeping I knew I'd have to do it when he was awake.  Luckily, Lee handles a half an hour or so of "independent play" really well. 

*Second hurdle: the growing stomach and reaching the handle bars. 
Not a joke. I was finding myself uncomfortably straining to reach the handlebars in a way that would be comfortable for the full work-out time.  So Kevin actually rigged them for me, work like a dream stomach and all. 

I started really consistently in January and I can report that I'm back to feeling a lack when I don't exercise on a given day and that it's become habitual for me again. And again, it makes me feel so much better than when I don't exercise.
Nope, I'm not doing the world's most difficult work-out each day but for me, right now, exercise is exercise and thus it's golden.

Waiting for baby McGuire...

This is a 3D ultrasound taken at 29.5 weeks as part of a study I've participated in at the hospital.

 We're actually getting "close" to meeting baby McGuire, 9 more weeks. (hopefully) What's a few weeks after almost 3 years of waiting? A lot it turns out, at least for someone as anxious and impatient as me.  I'm just so thrilled to be becoming a mom.  Seeing these ultrasound images made it seem real...almost.  (disclaimer: my sister informed me that these ultrasounds are only exciting to people who are/will soon be moms, so sorry if you, like her, don't like ultrasound pictures.) I still have so many mixed emotions, not about having him, I couldn't be more excited for that, but about the blessing of it in general.  Everyday it still seems "too good to be true" and too much of a blessing for me, something I still haven't "done my time" for yet.  Aka, I still feel nervous and guilty sometimes because I get to be pregnant and having a baby.  I know that God is in charge and His timing is perfect, so why is it that sometimes I think that something bad/hard must be on the horizon to balance out the good in my life?  Argh, why can't I change my untrue and incorrect perceptions of God's traits faster? At the same time, I feel so intensely excited to be a mom, Kevin and I have watched others have their children and longed for that to be us so badly and now according to the doctor and the size of my stomach, it is going to be us.  And it's hard to believe it's real.  I know that motherhood isn't a walk in the park, babysitting can be completely exhausting and it doesn't even require night-time duty.  But, it just seems like such a minimal "price" to pay to be able to have children be part of your eternal family...sometimes, and then on the nights that I get no sleep here at the end of pregnancy it feels a lot harder.  Basically, I'm still feeling a lot of joy, excitement, wonderment, guilt, nervousness, exhaustion, pain and marvel at the idea of becoming a mom. 

On top of trying to balance all of those emotions, I'm trying to work through the necessity of three different "birth plans", if you will;
1)Baby McGuire comes early and Kevin hasn't left for his internship yet.
2)Baby McGuire and I are looking good a week early and they induce me so Kevin can be here.
 3) Kevin has started his internship and I just hope he can fly back in time for the delivery.

Ha. If you know me well at all, you'll also know that I have a NEED for planning ahead and organization, it's a big way I keep myself from being/getting anxious.  Usually.  In this case, it's not really an option and again, I find myself having to rely fully on the Lord's will and perfect knowledge rather than the vast array of unknowns that I have available to me.  I have felt peace and deep down I know that I can handle whatever scenario is right but there is that part of me that clings to having control that gets a bit anxious from time to time.  I feel like the Lord keeps offering me ample opportunities to prove that I trust Him and find my peace and hope in His plan.

I feel like I've had a lot of things that have helped me deal with my impatience and anxiety these last months though. First, I've been blessed to have a calling working with the Mia Maids in my ward that keeps me involved and active in my ward; it has also blessed me with a means to get to know a lot of wonderful women and young women in our ward.  I've also been blessed by keeping myself busy during the day with all my projects and tasks.  I've found that having craft projects and even cleaning and organization goals has helped me stay busy and also has helped me feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment in this adjustment period of time.  I've also been tremendously blessed by keeping in touch with people and getting together with so many of my friends that live close by right now.  It has helped to remind me how many people Heavenly Father has put in my life in the past years to bless and change my life dramatically.  With the extra time I have right now I've tried to stay closer to the Spirit, by expanding and limiting different things.  Expanding the time and effort spent studying the scriptures everyday has brought a tangible difference into my life and our home, as it always seems to do.  Limiting the amount of media we/I view each day has made a huge difference as well.  Kevin and I were feeling a bit "dull" and we were trying to figure out exactly why.  I found myself feeling anxious most nights as we went to bed without being able to pin point a reason why.  All we could figure out was that maybe watching TV for the while between dinner and bed was the culprit of the problem.  So, we decided to try a pretty strict limit and see if it made us/me feel any different. We decided to limit our media "consumption" to no more than an hour or one movie a day, if any.  I had some trepidations at first, after all, I spent a majority of my days, cleaning or sewing and watching TV or a movie were a natural way to pass the time.  But I also knew that I didn't like the way I felt, so we went ahead with our "experiment".  Our limits have done wonderful things for us,  we've found that we spend  much more time actually Communicating when we're in each others' company, the dullness of senses is gone, I don't feel anxious when we go to bed, and I've found that the lack of media during the day has allowed me to have much more time to think, ponder and pursue other interests, like reading, (but reading should actually be classified as a passion not an interest). I've also found I've had time to start keeping a journal again which has been a really helpful way for me to identify and work through emotions and situations, not to mention the opportunity to have a record of the big and little things going on in our lives right now.  As we've discussed the effects of our "experiment" Kevin and I both identified one of the biggest blessings as the huge increase in the Spirit in our home, there is a peaceful and happy feeling that is so much stronger.  I feel like media can be a taboo subject for many but, I would recommend an experiment like ours to anyone and everyone.  I hope that none of what I've shared sounds preachy, I feel my weaknesses and what I lack keenly but I Have seen ways the Lord has helped me feel different, better and more liberated from feelings that aren't from the Spirit.

I'm so grateful for the Lord's plan, for the Atonement that blessedly allows me daily opportunities to fix the many mistakes I make every day.  We focused on 2 Nephi 31:20 in Sunday School yesterday and I've been thinking about it ever since. I am so grateful that we don't have to rely in "the arm of flesh" for the good things we want to have happen in our lives, or to put our trust in.  I'm so grateful that relying in the Lord offers So much more than relying on men ever could;

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of  hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

So in my imperfect way...I'm waiting for baby McGuire.

 Here are a few more pictures.

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life; post-graduation update.

up Spanish Fork Canyon

Life continues to surprise me.  Being pregnant is the most bizarre and  uniquely physically taxing thing I've yet to do.  Things happen that I'd never thought of being a possible result of pregnancy, and the expected things happen too, but they feel different than I thought they would.  It's so easy for me to worry; worry about my body being a good "host" for little McGuire boy-to-be, Worry that he's developing like he should; that I'm doing all the things I can to make it a "good" "healthy" pregnancy like eating right, exercising, putting my feet up, doing pregnancy yoga, etc, etc, etc.... Even things like making sure I don't chicken out at the doctor's and ask my questions about the things that have been concerning me for the last month.  Silly. (not to ask questions, but to need to give myself a pep talk to ask them) And I'm always trying to push past my fears and anxieties.

I graduated with my Bachelors (finally) in December, after basically a full 4 year break due to serving a mission and then working full-time in Rexburg while Kevin got his undergrad degree. I went to one last semester this past fall.  I had planned on going for at least another year and building up my "art-making" stamina again while simultaneously building up a portfolio to apply for a MFA but when we found out we were having a baby not only did I know that I wanted to focus on the time I could finally be a mom but, I felt strongly that I should graduate in December rather than April, even though going this next semester would have kept me busy and I could have kept my student job.  Being home all the time has been quite the adjustment itself.  One of the biggest things I've found to be difficult is dealing with the guilt that comes, sometimes daily.  I am so used to doing a million more things than I have time for and packing my schedule that this totally self-directed time at home has left me feeling guilty at the end of the day. Whether it's because I enjoyed the things I worked on all day or that I don't feel like I did enough different things that day, etc... I feel bad frequently.  I know I get it from my Dad, I just go crazy if I don't have too much to do.  (Growing up my Mom said that really I hated summertime because there wasn't enough to do, and consequently she had to give me lots of tasks, which I thought I hated, to keep me happy.) I'm learning to adjust to the change and I'm trying to utilize the time; sewing, painting and reading especially, but it's been an adjustment nonetheless.  Probably doesn't help that I am So anxious for this baby to come. I just keep being taught that everyone, in whatever situation they are in, or seem to be in, has to struggle to keep a balanced and healthy life.  As President Monson said, "There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize."

There are things that I'm really loving too; like being able to sew things for the baby and paint whatever I want, I love finally getting to read some of the books that I've been meaning to read, I love getting together weekly with my sister-in-law and two cousins who are all mothers of babies and being lifted, taught and loved, I love that I can be really involved in my calling as the Mia Maid Advisor, that I have a schedule that allows me to exercise daily, do laundry every week consistently and even clean the house sometimes. Obviously most of all I am so grateful for the reason that I'm home every day, I get to be a mom soon, at a time that was completely unexpected, I thought I may never go through the experience of carrying and giving birth to children and I feel so incredibly blessed that Heavenly Father blessed us with the miracle now.  I still don't understand His timing, or even pretend to anymore.  But I know that He wants us to believe in His miracles and learn how to find the fine line of believing in His miracles and accepting His will. I imagine that is a lifelong lesson to be learned over and over. 

One of the greatest helps to me has been President Monson's recent counsel to choose to have a positive attitude everyday.  With all the uncertainty and things I can't control I can focus on one thing I can control, my attitude about life each day.  As my Grandpa Tanner said, "it isn't what happens to us in life, it's how we feel about it." It has been truly empowering for me to choose to have a positive attitude, even when I'm fearful or when Kevin is having a bad day, or I am.  So, like Anne of Green Gables, I'm so glad that no matter how well I did the day before, today is new "with no mistakes in it."

"Presenting the baby belly..."

"...so you see, there it is."

(I'm pretty sure only my siblings will get the reference above, but it's what popped into my head.)

 

 

Kevin and I at the Red Ledges by our house.

I could really get used to this kind of weather in Utah in February.